Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
