in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
