So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
