i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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