69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This is the high leading the old right now
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
