4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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