At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
