i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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