I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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