Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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