I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
