Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
