Where did you get a picture of my penis
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
