Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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