whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
