it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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