So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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