i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
