I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
