yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
