Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
