Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
