we have officially lost it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
