Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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