Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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