My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
