My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
