Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
