Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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