I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We had sex on a dog bed..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
