she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
BRING THE BAGELS
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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