: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I cannot find my penis.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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