the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
