if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
