My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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