i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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