I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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