He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
