a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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