i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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