At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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