a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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