Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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