don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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