I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
