Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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