How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
