I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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