I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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