if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
