We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize