Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
