What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
