I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
