dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
