He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She's the barista slut.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
