i used baking grease as lip gloss
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
