Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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