Got a toothbrush?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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