it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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