i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
