remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
