i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
