So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
