Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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