can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
