I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
