the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
