hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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