Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
