No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
