We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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